Sunday, March 27, 2005

What have happen to me?

When I was in school, I don't really have much friends.

When I was in university, I have even less friends.

When I was in school, I am always at home.

When I was in university, I started to have some social life.

Now, I am working. I have a different social life with different friends than my university's social life.

Now, I experienced more of the so-called normal social life.


Why do I feel even more lonely?

Why do I feel unmotivated?

my dearests...I think I am suffering of ...gee...i forgot what is it called...hmm...loneliness? desperation? no..not right...what is the word...hmm..i can't chinese, 'you yu chen'
Each time I try to cheer up but I can't seems to do that. I feel like nothing will cheer me up including food. So, i guess i wouldnt't become fatter.

What has happen to me?

Friday, March 25, 2005

Cleaning My Eyes

I thought it will be boring to watch Lords of the Ring: Return of the King over and over again.
I thought I will not cry since i have watch it once and twice and thrice and so on.

Apparently, I am not entirely correct. Some parts are really boring me. But some parts still can make me cry so I cant blame Selene for making me cry...

I just watch the ending part of LOTR: Return of the King and i cried a bucket over it. And this is like the fourth time,maybe, I watch that part of the movie. Each time I cry non-stop over the same scenes. Gosh...

Sense Of Helplessness


Each time grandma is not feeling well, i don't know what to do.

someone, teach me what to do...

Saturday, March 19, 2005

My Complicated Relationship With G

Maybe it is not that complicated. Just troublesome. Never know that a student can be this attached to me.

A friend of mine advised me to get my relationship with G clear. Otherwise, it is very troublesome.

Not only that I have gotten a soft toy puppy from him, I have also went out with him twice. Not alone with him though. But with someone else too.

I promised myself that I will cut off the attachement with G as soon as I quit teaching and I move into the hectic life of accounts apprentice. yes, i will do that.

My Hectic Yet Relaxing Week: Wednesday

I don't think that I will go to Chung Hua today for the Band Music Camp Graduation cum Mini Concert. But, I am the invited guest. Hmm...So, I guess I have to go and so I did with Aunty Nora. Immediately after I arrived, I saw G's mum. Dismay in my heart. Why does it have to be me?!! Apparently, she is kind of lost. So, I have to be her guide. She offered to ask for vacancy at some of the audit firms that she knows of. I am not putting much hope in this though. She commented that I sometimes dressed too young and I should not dress young when I go for job interview. Hmm...Her husband and her told me that when we first met. Anyways, she left before she could see her son play and I sat alone enjoying the whole concert.

Hmm....The first thing that puzzled me is that how do the band practise so many songs without me knowing? The only explanation is that they have been practising it separately and finally, on the morning of the mini concert, thye come together to do it together. Second thing is that why isnt Cikgu Janette at the concert? She is either hiding herself or she doesnt even turn up for the ocncert at all. If it is the second explanation, Whoa! I am surprised at the dedication of stco teachers...impressed...

My Hectic Yet Relaxing Week: Tuesday

Second day is much better than the first day. I spent my time sitting in the school hall marking the essays of Form One. Weird...I find it much easier to mark Form One essays than Form Two essays. Anyway, I feel much better about the whole situation of taking care of students. Apparently, D, whom I felt that I have disappointed once, have forgiven me and that makes me feel so much better. Oh! I found this out on Monday. Today, when I was there to see the students going home, they are playing games. I brought Amanda along with me. G gave me a surprise: a soft toy puppy. I am surprised. Hmmm...

P/S: The soft toy puppy is kind of dusty. So, after consultation with some soft toy expert of Wong family, I wash the soft toy puppy.

My Hectic Yet Relaxing Week: Monday

Although I have complained earlier about me having to take care of the students half day for another teacher, it has ended well. I really felt that I have nothing to do. The only thing that is interesting on that day is how i realised that I have such a big mouth. My big mistake. I told G that I will give G a surprise the day before. Unfortunately, G doesnt consider me showing up at Chung Hua as a surprise so G was really unhappy. So, I cracked my brain to think of something that will measure up to G's level of surprise. there is few-years old christmas bear that I never find of any use...put together with the simple chinese charm that i made a few years ago which i put on the shelf to collect dust...wrapped both in envelope style...safely secured with six staples...Then, I get G's friend to tell me which is G's bag as there are, well, almost three hundred bagpacks in that aircond hall of Chung Hua. Secretly, I placed G's surprise in his bag. After that, i just enjoyed the angry/unsatisfied look on G's face. After a few minutes there, I realised that there is nothing to do so I went home planning to come back again when it is almost time for the students to go home. As I was neopet-ting (a new term i learn from lynnx today), I received a sms from G that he has found his surprise. When I went back to see all the students go home, I also sent G home together with his drum, which I have forgetten the exact name of it, and a bass drum. What is a bass drum? It is that huge drum that usually a big guy will carry in a band. That ends my Monday.

Monday, March 14, 2005

I am tired

Yeah! Holidays time!

Boo! I still have to work....essays to mark...all five classes...strenuous....tiring...

Not only that, I have to go and watch over the school band at Chung Hwa having their very first music camp in Miri. I was cheated to do extra shift...but I am ok with it...Wish that Naga (the GERKO teacher) has not aimed me but he did and he achieved his purpose while I have to suffer....

Doing nothing and doing something...which is better? Doing something...Doing nothing is a torture if u are outside ur home. Because doing nothing at home is a privilege that u can only enjoy at home...urgh! I have another day of watching to do...URGH!!

Saturday, March 05, 2005

One Night Out

Friday night...
I dun like to go out alone...I find it too depressing...I need to find ppl to accompany to shop around and tat person is certainly NOT jinnwei...He is too not my type of person i want to shop with...

Firstly...I have a student whom i have been teaching since last total, I have been his teacher for three months...Whoa! that's long...haha...Anyway, only recently he has become quite close to me...I am sure all of you will ask me to not to get too close with him...I me...but not in a short time...This boy is really sensitive...His family spoiled him but at the same time, they have also let him to take care of himself...Thus causing him to feel that his parents does not care of him....Since he has treated me as a close friend fo his, I will need to take time to put him off that he will not be hurt...Guess what? He is the run-away-from-home prone. So have to be really careful dealing with him....

So...anyway....i have went out with him and his neighbour on friday night. We went to play bowling...something i have not done for years...The bowling alley has changed some of its things...the pins, the shoes...I strike once...Then, we also play games in the arcade....There is this game that made me realise that my hands and eyes coordination has problems...Urgh!... Have some fun anyway...

Not a bad friday night after all...But i think i am more of the type of people who sit at the nice expensive cafe drinking coffee instead of the ppl who hang around arcade...Does this means I have grown more mature?



MSSM is finally over. I have certainly work up a tan even though i have tried to protect myself from the sun.

My group mates, whom i complained of earlier, have turned out to be quite a relaxed group of people that I enjoyed been with. Though we did not follow the entire process of being a pegawai...for example, we only use one set of flags instead of two...we give extra rest time to the participants...But overall, the experience with them was fun.

I feel grateful to be with them cause my this fren who is in lempar cakera was suffering. She was been blamed for not understanding the rules and put the wrong flag up. Lompat tinggi here...we are so relaxed...hehe....i guess i am lucky after all...

four days of been together...


thank you, my group mates...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


I went to watch this movie today. Enjoyed the movie. Not bad o. Below are two scenes that can be seen in the movie and the lines that they said. Haha...I just happen to remember the lines... :p

"Welcome to my life" as he blew smokes into the glass...suffocating the spider with smoke. Dun worry. The spider is alive as the main actress releases it minutes later...

"Holy water...?!" A cross was dropped into the water tank so that the water will become holy water. Then, Keanu Reeves burn the water sprinkler so that the holy water will shower the demon-possessed human to reveal their true self. As you can see from the pic, the girl's face is showing signs of demon. hoho...

A movie worth watching indeed.

Three "Busy and Unfortunate" Weeks


busy and unfortunate...

The second week is nearly to its end. I can't wait for these three weeks to be over.

Week One: Ulcer at the hardest to reach but quite important part of my mouth. Sometimes I wish i have digicam so that i can take pics of myself to show you readers but I dun have. Anyway, the ulcer is pretty bad (urgh...). Then, on Sunday, I went to traffic game practice and when i was trying out the route for the first time as a pedestrian, I tripped and fell. Bruise at my left palm. Red patch on my left knee. Small bloody scratches on my right palm. And finally one 10-cents size wound on my right knee. Very very unfortunate!

Week Two: Ulcer is getting worse. Accompany my students to join the traffic game's law test and then send jinnwei to LEO meeting and then back to see my students again and then fetch jinnwei and then send jinnwei's back home before finally going home. On my way to fetch jinnwei, I received a call from MTV saying that i have been shortlisted as the one of the five finalist of this contest of MTV. The condition to win this contest now is that I must be able to fly this Friday (meaning there is still four days). What is the prize of this contest? The winner will be flying to London in style on an all expenses paid trip to meet John Travolta at the MTV UK TRL studios in Leicester Square, and then go with the star studded cast to the glamorous premiere and dance the night away at the after party! BUT BUT BUT I have not make my international passport. I have no idea that there is such thing called emergency passport. I should have told the person that I cant confirm now and ask her to call my the next day so that I can go and ask Immigration to ask about the emergency passport. This is so unlucky!! Then, I get busy with MSSM. I become the Pegawai for Lompat Tinggi. The pegawai working with me are really slow lo...They arent willing to carry the stuff. They want people to help them. In my opinion, if the organiser is not doing a good job, then the pegawai should do the work voluntarily. Other than that, they are also ignorant of my opinion. When i told them the mattress should be placed at a spot so that the athletes wouldnt face the sun when they made the jumps. But guess what they said. "Never mind la. nothing one la. It is them who jump, not us. Never mind" What is this? I cant believe them! How could they be so selfish? Only until the field referee came over to have a look and told them to change it, then, they are willing to change it. Today is the second day and guess what? for these two days, the ones who wrote the marks sat at the spot where the sun will face their backs and i have to stand at the spot where the sun will shine directly to my face. (my face o...dark lo...). There are two more days to be under the sun o...Traffic game is near and this sunday is traffic game opening ceremony but the students still not sure if they are joining. Why? because the competition is on monday and it falls on the periodic test. If they join the game, they will miss the test and they wouldnt have marks and class position. As getting class position is so important, they are in a dilemma whether to join or not. sigh..

Week Three: Traffic game is on monday and so is periodic test. Periodic test duration is five days. I will be busy marking papers and after marking the papers, i will have to compile all the results to see who will get what position in my class. Currently, i have four classes of essays to mark. I dread this a lot o.... week, so far, has been so busy that I am very tired o.