Change of direction...

Had a chat with Lynnx just now and got inspired to write this...

Sometime ago, I had a more-than friend feeling with a guy. I wasnt really sure if I really like him or not. Ok, should not say 'like'...cause friend can also like another friend as friend..So, it should be more than like but not till love yet....

Which brings me to say this...

I think love is a feeling that need to be developed over time. I dont think a couple can immediately love each other or miss each other terribly when they just started their relationship. Or even develop nickname of endearment for each other after a short time together. This is an after-effect of my first relationship...

Sometimes I feel as if i am being cynical about love. Dont think it will ever happen to me. Maybe i will just be a spinster for the rest of my life.

Anyway... i surpressed my feeling and told myself that I just want to be a normal friend with him...

Diversion from the topic again... Lynnx has once told me that it is good to actually have feelings for a guy cause this can help to encourage me to slim down or at least to be more beautiful. not very sure if it will work though. I am a person with such low determination especially when it comes to slimming down.. Only know how to day-dream..hehe...Right now, I am trying to use travelling to save money and thus cannot spend too much on food so hopefully can also slim down...hehe...

I think I managed to supressed my feeling till recently.... Well, actually, all these time, I think I have been subconsciously thinking of him... Little things remind me of his existence but I refused to acknowledge it.

I tried not to hang out with him thinking that it will help reduce my feeling for him. But I guess the phrase 'absence make the heart fonder' is true. Drowning myself in my work didnt seems to help either.

Recently, after the futile attempts of not hanging out with him, i decided "what the hell?! Dont care la" (pardon me) . I will just hang with him and see what happen.

It doesnt matter if he likes someone else and tells me all about it. It doesnt matter if he asks me how to court other girl and gets her (ok, dun think anyone will ask me how to court other ppl. Who am I to give advice le?!). What matters is that he is happy. Gosh! Sounds so 'wei da' le. So self-sacrifice...

Ok la... Someone advised me to confess to him but I cant do it because of two reasons.

Reason number one is because deep down inside I am still a traditional girl. I cant be so straight forward and brave to confess my love (or liking) for a guy.

Reason number two is because I dont want to be in an awkward position after confessing to him and get rejected. Then the relationship will never be the same. There will always be something that will cause embarassment. Then can say goodbye to a friendship lo...

Whoa... Lynnx, I told you I can write a lot about this though there are still so much more I want to write but I wish to retain some privacy and secrecy. I also dont want him to know that I am referring to him.

Dear colleagues, doesnt this create suspense? Bet you guys want to know who so I tell straight away that he is someone you dont know. Dont ask me though. DONT ASK!!!!