Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Hiatus.. dont think so

I am thinking to go into hiatus but part of me refuse to do so. I dont know what to write these days. I have been thinking too much, feeling too much.

Been feeling a bit depressed... stressed out... emotional...

Money cant buy happiness but no money can also cause unhappiness. Money is such a sensitive issue. To be indirectly in charge of the home finances, I feel so pressured and ... under-budgetted. My envy to those people who has their elders to care of all the financial problems. My respect to those who can manage under tight budget.

Exam is drawing close and I havent really get much studying going on. I fear that I will not do well this time. Hopefully three weeks of no work will help me to study... Hopefully

The feeling of being misunderstood is draining my energy. I even gotten to the phase where I shake uncontrollably of frustration. My inability of communicating effectively? My taking-everything-people-say-seriously attitude? Darn..and he didnt know he hurt my feelings. Hmm... tears threathening to fall from the memory of what has happened

Tear-jerking Sunday as I watched One Litre of Tears. Should be a story that encourages people to live on but somehow, I still feel like dying. To feel the release that the heroine has when she passed away. If I have to go through what the heroine went through, I am not sure what will I do to pass the time while waiting for the time to die to arrive. Dont think I will have her strength to live on despite of all the complications from her disease. Dont think I will have anything that people will remember me by. The heroine has a whole loads of phrases and poems that encourages people to live on. How depressing for me!

Despise office politics.... Despise the deterioration of human relationship... I am too lazy to elaborate on this. Too f***ing sien to talk about.

Love and hate relationship with the car. The screeching of tyre when I brake. The warm air from the aircond under a hot afternoon and an extremely cold airflow when it is all windy and cool outside. The memories of the car with Grandpa and Grandma. Tears forming again.

I wonder if this is what happen when you live alone in a big house and there is no one who can share the burden. Sometimes I can go on the whole day without even saying a word.. because there is no one to talk to.

Worry no more... I am recovering. In a way... Trying not to think too much. Trying to laugh it all away. Looking forward to the BBQ this weekend.

But if really want to give me a helping hand. $$ for me will be great. Haha... oh! and a boyfriend, please... :P

Ok... I should get back to studying. Finally get some of the frustration out in the blog.


Dancing Queen said...

Sorry to hear about your depression. Hope you're better now.

Your car screeches when it brakes? Could it be due to the brake pads wearing out? Better get it check. And the aircon, maybe needs some servicing?

Just concentrate on your revision & once your exams are over, you can relax.. ! All the best! :)

l y n n w e i said...

all the best for ur exams,k!!!

try all ur best so u wont regret!

lynnx01 said...

Office politics... actually everywhere also got politics. That's life.

g0hy|3 said...

DQ, I think I am stepping out of my blue days slowly. The car is old and has gone thru a huge repair a few weeks ago but still not properly fixed...

lynnwei, thanks

lynnx01, yeah. I agree. Life... Sigh..